BELIEVERS DIGEST SERIES 14

BELIEVERS DIGEST (SERIES 14)  
  A PUBLICATION OF CHRISTIAN PUBLISHING INTERNATIONAL
“FOR THE PERFECTING OF THE SAINTS AND THE BUILDING UP OF THE BODY OF CHRIST.”
Believers’ Digest contains series of messages that can be copied
 and use freely for edification of the body of Christ. 
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14.1 THE DEVIL VS THE CHURCH  
   
And it came to pass after these things that Naboth the Jezreelite had a vineyard which was in Jezreel, next to the palace of Ahab King of Samaria. So Ahab spoke to Naboth saying, Give me your vineyard, that I may have it for a vegetable garden, because it is near, next to my house, and for it I will give you a vineyard better than it or if it seems good to you, I will give you its worth in money. But Naboth said to Ahab, the Lord forbid that I should give the inheritance of my father to you – I kings 21:1-3.
 The devil is a master strategist, so the church (the believers) must be very careful and be aware that the devil always seeks for the downfall or eradication of the church. He looks for ways of turning the believers into vegetables rather than leaving them as they were made to be - Vineyards.
  A vineyard is a garden planted with fruit bearing trees that produces year in year, year out -perennial trees. But vegetable are annual plants that have lifecycle of 3 to 6 month. They have tender stems that can be blown off by wind. Vegetables are usually harvested by picking, the use of hands.
 Naboth had proposal from the king who had the money to exchange his father’s inheritance (the vineyard) for a vegetable garden. But Naboth declined the offer and was killed. He laid down his life for that inheritance. 
 God’s inheritance is the church, the believers. We must understand the inheritance of God and its worth: the death of Christ to give us salvation. We must know the worth of it and refuse the devil to change it over to worthless “vegetables”. We must not be like Esau who do not know the worth of precious things. God’s inheritance in our lives – salvation ministry, family etc – must be held in high esteem and we must refuse the devil turning them around (spiritually powerless) for his purpose.
 The devil will not attack directly; he comes with power of negotiation on technical grounds. Remember the Garden of Eden. He came like a friend. He would negotiate your dependence on God away and wants you to be independent. The best is not to listen to his “better one or payment for it” offer. It will still remain a garden but for vegetables. Annual vegetables in place of tree crops that cannot withstand stress. Churches keep springing up but what is the category of men, women being gathered?
 Vegetable are weak church member that cannot be left alone on their own by the Pastor. They need daily care. Members that indulges in sin without rebuke from their so-called pastors because of their financial status. Church members that have no spiritual stamina are vegetables in the hand of the devil. Tree crop refers to matured church members that are fruitful in the knowledge and work of the Lord with heavenly focus. The devil doesn’t fight you when you possess houses, cars, etc but when you have heaven as your focus and the gospel becomes your pursuit.
 The devil is always raising confederacy against the cross of Christ and it is the church that is being used. Those that rose up against Jesus were Jews and their priests. The devil fights from within. He uses technological advancement to track down the church and makes believers weak (vegetables on spiritual matters). For example the use of GSM has become a tool in the hand of the devil to distract the church even during services. Most members don’t switch off their phone sets; they put them on vibration to alert them of incoming calls. This is a distractive strategy of the devil.
 Youths that enjoys the use of extra cool night calls discusses more on love and not on spiritual matters. These are the youths that are supposed to hold up the church for tomorrow. The devil is waiting to use any available gadget. When you are not paying much money to achieve a thing, then you are paying with your life. What of night browsing? Be careful to use every gadget with awareness that the devil is behind it. Suspect any policy that the world is brining up – Co-operatives, Shares, Loans, etc. These and others can tie down believers to their worldly accumulations and make them deaf and blind to the need and cry of the church (God’s inheritance) to inherit more souls. Believers’ money are not readily made available for God’s purpose since such has been tied down in one way or the other like loan repayment, etc. The enemy is turning the Christian to vegetables. We must refuse the offer of the worldly system.
 The church appears to be praying but we are not actually interceding. The enemy is making the church to waste time on unnecessary prayer for prosperity and war against the enemies. 
“Lord I promise not to negotiate away the vineyard (your inheritance upon my life); I will not be a vegetable in anyway in the hand of the devil; help my life O God, Amen.” 
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14.2 ONE THING NEEDED

But one thing is needed and Mary has chosen that good part which will not be taken away from her”- Luke 10:42.

 Jesus was a guest to Mary and Martha. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and heard his word, his teachings. But Martha was occupied about much serving. She came to Jesus so that he could reprimand Mary of not assisting her in the preparations she was involved in. But Jesus declared that what Mary was occupied with (learning from the Master) is what is needed, for that can not be taken away from her.
 All other things can be taken away from man - good health, wealth work / businesses and accumulations including children, wife or husbands - but the word of God learnt from Jesus himself that has become part of the individual, can not be taken away. This is telling us that the one important thing we should give attention to is to learn from the master through his teachings from his word. This will be our succor in life when all other things (accumulations) might have departed from us. His teachings are what will take us to heaven and not our involvement in other matters that takes the heart and time of man.
 Hearing from Jesus and keeping his teaching is the only one thing that is needed of us.
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14.3 BAD RESPONSE

"And it came to pass also on another Sabbath that he entered into the synagogue and taught: and there was a man whose right hand was withered ….. And looking around upon them all, he said unto the man, stretch forth thy hand. And he did so; and his hand was restored whole as the other. And they were filled with madness; and communed one with another what they might do to Jesus” - Luke 6:6-11.
 The scribes and Pharisees of Jesus’ day watched to catch Jesus by all means as to lay charges against him. All his Sabbath day healings were challenged, no matter what kind of healing or deliverance done on their fellow Jews. Their bitterness against Jesus and his teachings (from heaven) blinded their eyes to see any good things coming out of him even healing the paralytic man. It is those-never-seen miracles that embittered them the more instead of their giving glory to God and accepting Jesus’ teachings with gladness.
 If that was done to Christ in his days on earth, what else can people of today not do to you after a job well done, a heart-piercing sermon, a good gesture extended to a neighbor friend or relations? Do not be upset if you receive bad responses from people. All men can never praise you for good deeds, set your heart to receive un-called for responses after a well done endeavor. But God (heaven) sees and will give right judgment, commendation and reward. Man cannot give you a reward but rather uncalled for responses.
  •••

14.4 WALKING WITH, AND WORKING FOR GOD 
   
"And Enoch walked with God.” - Gen. 5:22. The first man spoken of in the scripture that walked with God was Enoch: seventh generating from Adam. Adam and his succeeding five generations could not walk with God. They lived for so many years were the record against their names. It was in the seventh generation that we read of Enoch who walked with God. After him, two other generations passed before we read about Noah who also “was a just man and perfect in his generation, and Noah walked with God”- Gen. 6:9.
  Walking with God is different from working for God. It is easier to work for God even if God has not called you. Many are working for God at least to safe others. And that is why their ministration never yield tangible fruit. They are full of work here and there in the service of God, but are actually doing nothing! No one can actually work for God without first walking with God. Walking with God makes you get acquainted with Him: you know who He is, what He likes and dislikes (His laws). You love and fear Him at the same time and you obey Him whole heatedly. That is the qualification for working for Him.
  Paul entreated us in Romans 12:1 to first of all present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God which is our reasonable service. That is, it is unreasonable for you to be full of God’s service without first giving your life to God or first walk with God. The first qualification of Noah was that he was a just man and perfect in his generation, and walked with God. It was this stand he had with God that qualified him to work to save lives. All that were used by God or that worked for God in the scriptures were always found walking with God. They were chosen people due to what God saw in them.
  Moses was chosen to work for God in bringing out the Israelites form Egypt because at first, Moses chose “rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasure of sin for a season” - Heb. 11:25. He refused to be identified with the Egyptians but with God’s people. If you are in close association with the Egyptians (un-regenerated), doing all that they love to do, you are not walking with God and so you cannot work for Him.
  Whatever you do in the service of God without first giving your life to Him, you will only be found working for God and not walking with Him. It is our walking with God that qualifies us for His work and for heaven. 
  •••

FEED ON GOD’S WORD 
Read the word, feed on it. Let it become the living word to you, not just columns of truth and opinions of men. Jesus wants to be known as the living Christ coming out of the pages of the Bible to us. 
   
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14.5 JESUS: OUR AGENT OF RECOVERY

“Three days later, when David and his men arrived home at their town of Ziklag, they found that the Amalekites had made a raid into the Negev and Ziklag and burnt it to the ground. They had carried off the women and children and every one else but without killing anyone. When David and his men saw the ruins and realize what happened to their families, they wept until they could weep no more ...Then David asked the Lord, should I chase after this band of raiders? Will I catch them? And the Lord said to him, yes, go after them you will surely recover everything that was taken from you”. Along the way they found an Egyptian man in a field and brought him to David. They gave him some bread to eat and water to drink... Before long his strength returned... Will you lead me to this band of raiders? David asked. The young man replied, If you take an oath in God’s name that you will not kill me or give me back to my master, then I will guide you to them’... David got back everything the Amalekites had taken, (1 Sam 30: 1-3, 8, 11-13, 15, 18). It is good if you can read the whole biblical account of 1Sam 30:1-18.
David’s abode, Ziklag, was burnt with fire and every other thing including women and children were carried away as captives at a time when the men were out with the King in battle. There was crying and wailing by the men when they returned to find out what happened. But the King enquired from the Lord and God told him to pursue for he will recover all that were carried away.
  Along the way was found an Egyptian who was “despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows, and acquitted with grief;” he was despised, and his master and all others hid their faces from him (Isaiah 53:3). He was thrown away and spent three days and night without food and water, and was left desolate. Remember, Jesus was left to suffer and to die while God the father looked away from him. He spent three days and nights in the grave before He resurrected to recover for us, all that the devil had stolen away from man.
  By the intervention of the Egyptian man, David recovered all that the Amalekites carried away. Before the man assisted David, he demanded that he should not be handed over to his master, and should not be killed. David pledged with him according to his demands.
  Jesus is also asking you if you will not crucify him again and put him to an open shame after He had rescued you from the bondages of sin? (Heb. 6:4). He is our agent of recovery. He will keep recovering for us all that the Devil has stolen as long as we keep obeying and serving him.
  As David recovered all, we can also recover ALL through our Lord Jesus Christ.  
  •••

MINISTRY IS BUILT ON GOD’S IDEAS, NOT GOOD IDEAS.
   
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14.6 STORY TELLER
  
“...The King was talking with Gehazi, the servant of the man of God. The King had just said, ‘Tell me some stories about the great things Elisha has done.’ And Gehazi was telling the king about the time Elisha had brought a boy back to life”- 2Kings 8:4-5.NLT
  Gehazi, a servant of Elisha, who supposed to inherit the double or triple portion of Elisha’s anointing and be used of God, became a story teller after he had received wrongly, gifts from Naaman covetously. He inherited the leprosy of Naaman and was cast out of the race of prophets. He became a story teller, telling stories of what his former master did.
  Whose story are you telling other people today? Of one man of God somewhere? Who will tell your own story and how would it go? It is when you abide in the place where God has fixed you and there be contented, that you will have good stories to be told about you. Your running here and there (unsettled which is also a sign of covetousness) will end you up to be a story teller of what God is doing in the lives of other people. You will end up telling testimonies of other people.
  •••
14.7 THE KING AND THE PROPHET

“When the King of Israel saw them (the Aramean army brought into Samaria by Elisha) he shouted to Elisha, my father, should I kill them? Should I kill them?”-2 Kings 6:21.

  Elisha, the prophet, was used by God to rescue Israel from the invading Aramean army. The plan of the Aramean King in the secret was made knowing by God to Elisha who exposed such Plans to the King of Israel. Elisha was to be captured by the Aramean soldiers but the man of God prayed to God that they be blind. In their blindness, he brought them into Samaria to the King of Israel. When the King saw them he called on the man of God: “my father...”
  The king in those days calls the men of God ‘My father’. King Joash of Israel also said unto Elisha, “O my father...”- 2kings 13:14. What is the situation now? Are our men of God not calling the earthly Kings, mostly of who knows not the Lord, “our fathers?” 
  •••

  PREACH TO THE RICH

We often overlook the fact that the rich, wealthy and the famous need to be saved too, for without Christ they are poorer than the poorest. Perhaps many neglect witnessing to the rich because what Jesus says has been misunderstood. Jesus says it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God (see Matthew 19:24, Mark 10:25, Luke 18:25)—but He does not say it is impossible.

  •••

 
14.8 DOING GOD’S WORK
   
Not every work, even those that looks religious, is the work of God. How then can one be sure that what he / she is doing is God’s work? Whatever man does and which can not be accepted before God, is not His work.
Jesus says, “Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my father in heaven. Many will say to me in that day Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name, cast out demons in your name, and done many wonders in your name? And then I will declare to them, I never knew you, depart from me, you who practice lawlessness!”- Matt. 7: 23-25
 Uzzah and Ohio took care of God’s Ark as they thought best amidst all excellent arrangement of music and dancing, but God was not in it. Uzzah had to die in the process. But Obed-edom did God’s work (of caring for the same Ark by which Uzzah died) in God’s own way and he was blessed.
 If the running up and down for perishable food (money) is what is keeping a man active in the programmes of God’s then such is not doing the work of God. The excitement is only about what to get and it is not about the work of God. Such a one is only laboring for the meat that perishes. Some people asked Jesus: “We want to perform God’s work too. What should we do?” – John 6:28. “Jesus told them, this is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent”- John 6:29
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
God’s work is first and foremost your life rather than external activities. Work of God is not done until that work of God is done in your own life first. You must be the first recipient. Churches will grow if Pastors are the first evidence of what they preach.
 God’s work is to believe God by His words. God is not seeing many as believers, yet they claim they are doing God’s work. Why will a minister or a choir member keep sin in the garment if such a one believes that the soul that sinneth shall die? They have not taken God’s word as it meant. Immoralities exist and multiply even in the church (not only in the society) when the hearts of minister and members are not yet affected by the words of God.
 Pulpit is just an ordinary platform. Our lives are the pulpits to show forth God’s work. People around us are not obedience to God’s word because our own obedience as believers is not complete. We are the work of God to be done first; no work can be done anywhere else except it is first done in us.
  WHEN TO DO GOD’S WORK: 
 “I must work the works of him that sent me while it is day; the night cometh, when no man can work” – John 9:4.
 God’s work must be done while it is day for the night will soon come when no work shall be done again. When is the day in which to do this work? We read in Luke 1:80 that “And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, and was in the deserts till the day of his showing unto Israel”. That was written concerning John the Baptist.
WHEN IT IS DAY: This is not in terms of daily labors, but a segment of time when God decide to put a man on the platform in other to perform. That is, the time allotment for a man to do God’s work. Such a time does not last long (life time) it could be few or several years. No one can determine the length of his / her day; and it is not the same for all men. When a man operates within his day, he will not stumble: “If any man work in the day, he stumbleth not … But if a man walk in the night, he stumbleth …” John 11:9-10. No body can kill him who is doing what God said he should do; powers of darkness will not succeed. But if a man has missed the time of his day and enters his night (when his time to operate has expires) there would be stumbling. It is nice for a man to sleep (retire) when he has finished his work in the day. But when a man is not sleeping and has entered his night, and wants to do what he supposes to do in his day, it will be terrible. The glory of God will no more shine, people will no more respond to his call. Such will go about to force themselves on people. No body has two days to operate consecutively. Opportunity comes but once. “So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but under -stand what the Lord wants you to do”- Eph. 5:15-17.
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14.9 DO GOOD TO YOUR ENEMY

“Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him; if he thirst give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be over come by evil, but overcome evil with good” -Rom12:20-21.

  The king of Syria sent horses and chariot and a great army to capture Elisha because the man of God was exposing the secret plan of the Syrians to the king of Israel (II king 6:8-14). Elisha was to be dealt with first so that Israel could be captured. As the army surrounded the city were Elisha dwelt, the man of God prayed unto the Lord to strike them with blindness. The great army was led as blind men into Samaria to the king of Israel. The King requested to execute this great host of enemies, but the man of God forbids him. Instead Elisha commanded the king to feed the host of army sent to destroy him: “Then he prepares a great feast for them; and after they ate and drank, he sent them away and they went to their master. So the bands of Syrian raiders come no more into the land of Israel’’ -II king 6:23
  The band of Syria raiders (the enemies of Israel) comes no more into the land of Israel. The good deed done to the enemies of Israel at the instruction of the man of God silenced them for life. “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men” (Romans 12:17) thereby your good deeds will overcome and transform the evil doer.
  •••.

14.10 DANGERS ON THE INTERNET: BEWARE

Internet puts the whole world in a global village. It provides electronics means of sending and receiving messages fast and inexpensive throughout the world. It also brings unsolicited messages including adverts of various kinds and pornography to your door step. There are websites that can open you up to unscrupulous individuals and obscene contents. Supplying your email and other personal details to unknown individuals or groups opens you up to predators. You can be duped or introduced to a life of sexual / lustful passions. 

THE CHAT ROOM gets you into online communication with people you never meet before. Such unknown people may become predators to lure you into unholy relationship or you get duped. Experts believe that up to 750,000 predators may be online on daily basis, trolling internet chat rooms and dating services.
INSTANT MESSAGES enjoyed by the youths for hours on daily basis can become a danger by distracting your attention from especially studies and fellowship with God and other believers.
BLOGS (online diaries) opens you up to the public and you can reveal your identity/family carelessly. This opens you up to online gamblers.
A more deadly one is the ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORKS where web pages are enhance with pictures and videos. It enables people to meet many “friends”. Several predators are prevalent on this network. Your engagement in it, is shopping for them.
WHAT TO DO:
We are in the world that is changing more quickly than we can change it as believers even with our prayers. The changing world is changing us and changing the systems around us. Before you are able to purchase a form or register at an institution of higher learning, you must visit the internet. Results of some examinations are released via internet. Even to get employment or be invited for certain official engagements, the internet would need to be visited.
 You need must act with wisdom: “Every prudent man / woman acts with knowledge, but a fool lays open his / her folly”- Proverbs 13:16. Parents need to let their children know how the internet works and instill proper value in them so that they will make wise decision when they are alone.
“A man (woman) who isolates him (her) self seeks his (her) own desire; he (she) rages against all wise judgments”- Proverbs 18:1. Many people visit the websites as private affairs over the night or in their bedrooms. Remember that “One isolating him / her self will seek his / her own selfish longing”.
 The internet is good but care need to be taken in order not to fall into the temptations of the flesh via the internet.  
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14.11 IT IS GOD’S WORD THAT WORKS

“But Naaman became angry and walked away. I thought he would certainly come out to meet me; he said. I expected him to wave his hand over the leprosy and call on the name of the LORD his God and heal me’...”-2 Kings 5:11
  That was the reaction of Naaman the leper to the instruction given by Elisha the man of God through Gehazi his servant: “Go and wash yourself seven times in the Jordan River. Then your skin will be restored, and you will be healed of your leprosy”- 2 kings 5:10.
 That action of Naaman is the way people believe they will be treated to receive their miracles. ‘Let the man of God lay hand on me, pray aloud if not stamp his feet on the ground, and shake his body as he call on God’. And actually this also has being the action of so many men of God today. They pray long prayers, shake the innocent person and sweat profusely. That is not the way God works. Remember the centurion said to Jesus: “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come into my house, Just say the word from where you are, and my servant will be healed”-Matt 8:8. The man believed that the spoken word of Jesus is powerful to heal without Jesus himself coming to lay hand and to pray. Jesus commended the faith of the man.
All the miracles recorded in the scriptures, even in the Old Testament, there was not an occasion where the prophet or any man of God acted in the way we are acting these days. The man of God will only declare God’s word and miracles took place. We need to believe God and his word. “He sent out his word and healed them, snatching them from the door of death”-Psalms 107:20.NLT
 Only speak the word of God without struggling, and He will back up His word with signs following- Mark 16:20.
  •••

MINISTRY IS GOD’S GRACE MANIFESTED IN A LIFE THAT IS DEAD TO THE WORLD.
   
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  14.12 A DISCIPLE INDEED

“As the LORD had commanded his servant Moses, so Moses commanded Joshua. And Joshua did as he was told, carefully obeying all the commands that the LORD had given to Moses”-Joshua 11:15.
 Joshua succeeded Moses and he carried out the commands given to Moses, his master, by God. He carefully obeyed all. Joshua was a disciple indeed.
Who has God made your master or discipler or leader? Are you obeying their instructions carefully? Joshua came up when Moses died: the absence of death or absence of his master had nothing to do with his obedience. I suppose that your own master or leader is still alive; are you subject and obedience to his / her directives? Because Joshua was obedience to the commands of God through his late master, he won victory over his enemies and his land had rest (Joshua11:23).  
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TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE
Your comments for possible publication will inspire us to do more. Let us hear from you what the Lord is doing through our efforts.
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14.13 DIVINE OPPOURTUNITIES FOR CHANGES

“It was by faith that Rahab the prostitute was not destroyed with the people in her city who refused to obey God. For she had given a friendly welcome to the spies”- Heb 11: 31.

 The name given to that woman was Rahab the prostitute. Her business was tied to her name. Remember Naaman the leper, Batimeaus the blind man, Judas the traitor, etc. Any one may have a name tag due to one reason or the other which may need a divine visitation for a change. There are always opportunities for individuals for changes. It does not matter what name man calls us, that divine opportunity if it comes and it is not missed will take one to a greater height no matter the name tag. Rahab became a vessel of honour in the linage of Christ even though her cursed business name is still 
tagged with her name. She lived in Jericho among the accused people and doing one of the businesses that led to the destruction of the city. She might have helped in the transfer of diseases to her customers’ wives and children or had led to untimely death of some of her customers leading them to hell. But God gave her a divine opportunity to make a change and which she did not miss.
 The evil of a man’s life is to see the light coming and refusing it, preferring to be in darkness. God always give opportunities for a man’s life to change for better; it depends on how you handle or use any of the divine opportunities. Lot’s wife missed the opportunity of her deliverance from Sodom even with the escort of two angels. Rahab by faith in God of the Jews hid the two men sent by Joshua. That was what changed her destiny. She believed in God whom she had not yet seen or ever served. She believed that, that God will destroy the city. She believed the coming of the LORD even though they did not tell her the actual date of their coming back. She went out of her harlotry into evangelism persuading her people to come under the red scarlet and be away from destruction. 
She made her people to believe and they perish not with them that were destroyed. She believed and hid under the blood of Jesus (the red scarlet) for safety several years before the blood was actually shed. She won many people over and she fed them with her food and kept them waiting. She was fragmented by the circumstances of life that made her to become a harlot, but her grabbing at the divine opportunity she had, made her become a fragrance. She won her father’s household to the Lord and became a converted Israelite dwelling in the company of the redeemed. She married an Israelite (Salmon) and begat Boaz who married Ruth. Rahab brought up Boaz with the fear of God. Boaz was a man of integrity and faithful with the Lord. Rahab became a great grandmother of our Lord Jesus Christ by grabbing at the divine opportunity she had.
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14.14 ALTAR FOR THE LORD
 
“Make me an altar from stones that are uncut and have not been shaped with iron tools” -Joshua 8: 31 b
  “If you use stones to build my altar, use only natural uncut stones. Do not shape the stones with a tool, for that would make the altar unfit for holy use”- Exodus 20: 25.
Deuteronomy 27: 5-6 said the same things as quoted above. That was the instruction since the time of Moses on building altars for the Lord. 
King Solomon followed this instruction at the time of his building the temple for the Lord.
“The stones used in the construction of the Temple were finished at the quarry, so there was no sound of hammer axe or any other iron tool at the building site” – I Kings 6 : 7.
In his own time he used stones that were worked upon first at the quarry so that sound of hammer or other implements of Iron would not be heard while the Temple was in building.
 Building altars for the Lord starts from the heart. The condition of a man’s heart must be in line with the dictates of the Spirit that God breath into man. That was why Christ used the heart of a child to teach us the way to heaven. A heart if offended will easily forgive and forget and not refer back. A heart not corrupted by worldly cares and lust. A heart with a “single eye”. 
Only by daily walking with the Lord can a man be qualified. It is in this type of a heart (uncut stone) that correct altar for the Lord can be erected. Are you a youth in your teen age? Care not for the world and the cravings there in “It is good for a man that he bear the yoke (of divine disciplinary dealings) in his youth” - Lam. 3: 27. It is good for a man to yield to divine instructions, training and teachings at an early age when the heart is tender (uncut stone) and not yet polluted with the cravings and affairs of the world. 
The worked upon stones at the quarry depicts hearts that are surrendered to God for sharpening after they might have tasted and get polluted with the world. They can still be reshaped for noble purposes. Such hearts need to be circumcised by the Spirit of God. God will not let out anyone; He wants us all to serve Him and be used of Him. He wants to make up living stones (I Pet. 2: 5) that can be used to build His spiritual temple. 
God’s standard remains: uncut stones or stones worked upon by God himself in the closet (quarry) are required for divine services.
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14.15 COMMUNITY DISCIPLESHIP

When the Israelites lived righteously with God, all who got gathered along with them became spiritual Israelites. The conducts in their community became platform for the faith and spiritual lives of the non-Israeli people to grow. Whatever the state of the community life, radiates in the lives of the incomers. Rahab passed through community discipleship when Joshua was the leader. She held unto the doctrine of the Lord and was able to live up to become a woman of honour. She witnessed the execution of Achan and feared the God of the Israelites.
If Rahab had come in at the time of judges, she might resume her former business of prostitution. Ananiah and Saphira could not make it in the community discipleship forum at the time of the Apostles. They sold all they had but could not take up the cross to follow.
How is your community in which you are being discipled? Is it as that of the early Church where biblical doctrines are held and followed? Or as in these last days when biblical doctrines are put aside and man made doctrines are taught? Your life of faith and where you will end your life’s journey depends on how your community (your denomination, your Church or what you believed in has helped to disciple you.
  

14.16 PLEASING THE LORD

When people’s lives please the Lord, even their enemies are at peace with them”-Prov. 16:7. 
 Jehoshaphat became king in Judah and “he was deeply committed to the way of the Lord” He “sent his officials to teach God’s law in all the towns of Judah” … The officials took copies of the book of the law of the Law and traveled around through all the towns of Judah, teaching the people”- 2 Chro. 17: 6-9.
RESULTS: “Then the fear of the Lord fell over all the surrounding kingdoms so that none of them wanted to declare war on Jehosaphat. Some of the philistines brought him gifts and silver as tribute and the Arabs brought 7,700 rams and 7,700 male goats. So Jehosaphat became more and more powerful …”- 2 Chr. 17:10-12. As long as you seek the Lord to serve Him and obey His commands, your enemies shall be at peace with you and you shall live in peace and prosper (2Chro. 26:5). 
  

14.17 ALLYING WITH UNBELIEVERS?

King Jehosaphat of Judah (a godly man) joined (allied) himself with the king Ahaziah of Israel (a pagan worshipper) to build a fleet of trading ships that could go to Tashish for trading. But God said to him (Jehosaphat), “Because you have allied yourself with king Ahaziah, the Lord will destroy your work. So the ships met with disaster and never put out to sea”- 2Chr. 20:37. 

Who is your business partner? You may be involved in the government work with the wicked (the unregenerate), that will not stop your blessing because none of you have complete control on that work. But when it comes to allying yourself with the unbelievers to do and own businesses, that kind of trading is not pleasing unto the Lord if only you are right with Him.
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? … For you are the temple of the living God … Therefore come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord…”- 2Cor.6:14-17.
  
14.18 GIDEON AND HIS EPHOD

The Lord wrought victory for Israel by the hand of Gideon and his three hundred men. Out of the abundance they got from their enemies as plunder, Gideon made an Ephod (a god) with the golden earrings his people contributed at his request.
“Gideon made a sacred ephod from the gold and put it in Ophrah, his hometown. But soon all the Israelites prostituted themselves by worshiping it, and it became a trap for Gideon and his family”- Judges 8:27. 
 Gideon, who met with God and tested God in the issue of flee; who had victory over the enemies of God with three hundred men, yet went off the track of following God at the end of his victory over his enemies using the booty (gain) of the battle. Gideon set up a god out of the blessings he got from the battle. 
 When a man / woman has been elevated, made to prosper and delivered from the enemies, care must be taken not to make the blessings thereof becomes a god! When a man / woman gets into abundance of wealth, it takes the grace of God for such a one to hold God as number one at heart and not “those things”. God still speaks to individual of us today “Do you love me more than these?”- John 21: 15. More than your accumulations of perishable wealth, position or blessing with good health?  
  
14.19 WHO TAKES THE GLORY?

“I am the Lord; that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven image”- Isaiah 42:8.
  God will not take it for granted for any man / woman who ascribe the glory due to God to him or herself. What is that that you achieved or acquired that you consider yourself able by your strength or ability? Are you able to preach so eloquently to the conversion of souls? Jesus taught us to say “…We are unprofitable servant: we have done that which was our duty to do”-(Luke 17: 10) after we have done what we can esteem to be a great achievement.
After the return of the seventy disciples sent out by Christ, they were told by the Master not to rejoice in the testimonies that accompany their outreach, but to only rejoice that their names are written in heaven. (Luke 10:20). 
  At the time of the Israelites, there were lots of battles that the Lord had to fight for his people so that the Israelites will not have cause to boast in their weapons of war, ability or number. Remember the Gideon’s 300 soldiers. No Israelite or prayer band was there when the gods of the philistines fell facedown before the Ark of God and got broken the second day. It was obvious that God of Israel was in that battle and He alone takes the glory. 
  When Herod acquired God’s glory to himself, he was eaten by worms. So also, Nebuchadnezzar was driven into the jungle as an animal and could not be helped by any man when he did not give God the glory. If you allow God to undertake for you, his glory shall be revealed in all that you are doing or aspire to do; but if not all you think you are doing shall be a shadow of what God can do. We subject ourselves to pain and struggles by not settling on who takes the glory. The church has being circling and fighting on the platform of who takes the glory on any achievement. 
  When God saw Abraham glorying over Isaac, He demanded for the boy for sacrifice. Abraham had Isaac for his glory, but he had to surrender him for God as a sacrifice. It was then that God glorified himself in the life of Abraham: He made everlasting covenant with him (Gen 22: 16-18). 
  In order that Jacob should not boast of his strength over Esau, the hollow of his thigh was touched by God so that he halted upon his thigh (Gen 32:24-31).
  Joseph was humbled by his been thrown into prison after he graciously escape the snare of Portipha’s wife. As he was in the prison ruminating on the past scene, he could not boast. He only looked up to God for deliverance.
  In order that Moses would not be able to boast at last of bringing the Israelites into the promise land, God used the disobedience of Moses himself at the water of meriba to stop him from continuing the wilderness journey. Yea, he did not enter the land but only saw it afar off.
  If David was allowed by God to build the temple, no King could have been greater than him. But God incarcerated his ambition and gave his son the privilege. That son had nothing to boast of, for he lived to enjoy himself to the fullest. Despite God’s endowment upon his life, God could not boast of his righteousness.
  As eloquent, powerful evangelist and missionary minded as apostle Paul was, he was not allowed to boast. He himself declared: “for though I will desire to glory...And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, lest I should be exalted above measures”-2 Cor.12 :6-7. He came up last as an apostle and had abundance of revelation and did so many works and suffered greatly yet he was disqualified from boasting. God alone had all the glory over his life.
  God alone wants to take the glory over our lives and all we are privileged to do, posses or acquire. John concluded: “I am not the Christ, but that I am sent before him. He must increase but I must decrease”- John 3:28-30. Even though he prepared the way for Christ and was reckoned as the greatest of all the prophets, yet he saw not himself worthy of receiving any glory.
 As God takes all the glory over your life, it is then you will be qualified to be his glory carrier.
  •••
14.20 SIGNS AND MIRACLES

“And the Lord proved their message was true by giving them power to do miracles, signs and wonders”- Acts 14:3b
 The book of Mark also confirmed that by putting this forth. “And the disciples went everywhere and preached, and the Lord worked through them, confirming what they said by many miraculous signs”- Mark 16:20.
The preachers of God’s word need not to fret over miracles happening in his or her ministry. Only what is needed is genuine preaching of God’s word. When God’s word is preached in truth and as apportioned by God, the miracles will follow as a way of the master approving the work. The miracles that follow genuine preaching is a sign that God is in the work. Miracles are not to be sought for by all means; they are not basic reason of preaching the gospel. Miracles are only signs to the on lookers, and benefits to the receiver of God’s word. Miracles can not be forced on people. Any so called ministry or man of God that is giving miracle a priority is not doing the work of the Master. Such a one is looking for benefits that miracles can bring – foods, fame, and any other physical accumulations that can perish. But a genuine messenger of God’s word seeks for salvation and righteousness of God’s people as he preaches. When a miracle happens, he gives God the praise.
  •••
TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE
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  •••
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•••
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  ••• ••• •••

THE CHRISTIAN HOME

THE

CHRISTIAN HOME

                                                                                © 2004

Rev. DAVID K. AREMU

Editor, Christian Publishing International,

                                          P.O.Box 387, Jebba, Kwara State, Nigeria

Tel: 2348036121781;+2348051109976

Email: christianpubint@yahoo.com;

cpi2009@live.com

                                                      Website:cpi-cpi.blogspot.com

All Scriptural quotations are from the

Authorized king James version of the

Bible, unless otherwise Stated.

Published By

Christian Publishing International

( C P I )

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to all believers in Christ Jesus whose purpose on earth is to live a godly life in a godly home and to inherit eternal life.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title Page

Dedication ………………………………….. ………… iii

Acknowledgement…………………… ..................... iv

Foreword……………………………… …………………..v

Introduction…………………………………................ vi

Chapter 1: Partnership………………… ……………. .1

Chapter 2: Submission & Love………………………..5

Chapter 3: Communication………………………… 11

Chapter 4: Marriage Guiding principles…………….. 16

Chapter 5: Marriage Binders………… …................21

Chapter 6: Letters to the Couple……… ..... …………27

Chapter 7: ABC of solving marriage problems…….30

FORWARD

For every successful home there are guiding principles to follow. Those Biblical Principles for the Christian home are what Rev. David Aremu has outlined and discussed in details as led by the Holy Spirit.

As a Marriage counselor, Rev. Aremu made the book easier to read and understand for both singles and married couples.

If you follow the counsel of God in this book, there is no reason for you not to have a happy home.

May God grant every one who reads this book happy Christian home, Amen.

Rev. E.T. Adekeye.

Jesus Revolution Ministries, Ilorin, Nigeria

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I sincerely acknowledge my beloved wife (Ruth) as a Partner in life and Ministry for her enabling me to serve God in the fields of publication and Evangelism based on God’s sovereign provision.

Her coming into my life has being second to Christ. With her submission, I am able to achieve all in life.

I say THANK YOU, Mummy.

I also acknowledge Rev. E.T. Adekeye and Rev. Tayo Popoola for their fatherly counsel at all times; my Co-workers in the Ministry (Deacon Stephen Aremu, Bro Joseph Braimoh and Evang. Niyi Ajagbe) whose unflinching support and encouragement enable me to stand in the Ministry. I pray that our families shall stay everlastingly together on Christ, the solid rock, Amen.

I will not also forget my family friends Rev. Peter Awojobi, Deacon Sunday Aweda, The Ibiniyis, Rev.Olayioye, The Adunmades and Rev. Abolarinwa for their standing by my family at difficult times. Your families shall never lack any good things in Jesus Name, Amen. - Evang. David Kolawole Aremu

INTRODUCTION

Outside the home is turmoil and violence: every one needs some place in life where he is surrounded by peace and love. God ordained the home as that place of emotional safety. A happy home can be as a result of proper adjustment by the husband and his wife to each other, and by the incorporation of marriage principles outlined in the Bible into their daily lives.

Peradventure you are reading this book as an unmarried, it would be beneficial for you to first seek and read through “Choice of Marriage partner and Christian Courtship” written by the same author of this book. This book is a continuation of the former one. The Christian home actually starts from the foundation of getting a right partner. One cannot just make a choice among God’s children. Being a born again person is not a yardstick to indicate a good wife or husband. God himself has to choose the appointed one for each of his children. All believers can pray and sing; but one cannot be married to all.

Secondly, having God’s choice is not enough for a proof of excellent marriage. Man’s part is also very important: acceptance of each other and readiness to apply God’s principles as to make the marriage work. Both parties have this role to play.

Seeing faults or hearing about errors in Christian homes should result in your readiness to take necessary action against such marital errors. Every wise woman / man builds her / his house: but the foolish one tears it down with her / his hands – Prov. 14:1. To have a good home is a joint effort of both parties. The Lord will help us all to be wise unto building our own homes, Amen.

CHAPTER ONE:
PARTNERSHIP

The word partnership refers to an associate, especially in business. It also works for husband and wife. God instituted partnership when He called on his associates in the trinity to “ … Let us make man in our image …”-Gen. 1:26. God was referring to the Son and the Holy Spirit to work together. God as well wishes to associate with us at all time. He beckoned to us to “come now, and let us reason together”- Isaiah 1:18.

At the onset of marriage, God demanded that the “man leave his Father and his Mother, and shall cling unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh”- Gen. 2:24. The purpose is for the couple to associate together; to walk together in agreement (Amos 3:3). Walking together is more than working together. They are not called to WORK together, but to WALK together as a unit. The factory Staff may be in disagreement, yet produce good quality product. Walking together breeds accepting and tolerating each other. Marriage partnership is stronger than business partnership. It is only death of a partner that can set free the other in marriage. In business, there is no such law. In business they work together; but in marriage, it is walking together.

Partner is ‘part-ownership’. Both parties have roles to play. Every assignment in marriage should involve both partners to make it work: “Male and Female created he them; and bless them, and called their name Adam in the day when they were created”-Gen. 5:2. They both were called Adam (a unit consisting of two individuals). The identity of the woman is merged in Man. It is Inseparable. They are a complete whole, Male and Female, and their name is one – Adam. The woman was created to be an “help meet”. Whatever a woman get involved in, and not for the help of the man and by his approval is a misuse of life. God raised the woman for the assignment of the man. A home or ministry that the head (husband) and the body (wife) are not walking together is dead. It is not God’s choice for his creature to achieve alone. God wants things done in partnerships.

In marriage partnership, there are differences in capacity and capability of the partners. The Man must “dwell with the wife according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessels, and being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered “1 Pet. 3:7. “Unto weaker vessels”- Not useless but tender and precious. Tenderness not of physical strength, but of spiritual. The peculiarity of the woman must flow into the vision / life of the man. Dealing according to knowledge refers to understanding the peculiarity of women. A Man should know that women pass through different cycles in life. Mood of women changes. Let man understand the temperament of the woman. Man needs be observant, patient and understanding in dealing with the Woman: “according to knowledge”.

Men make decision based on facts but Women, on what they feel. Men take action while women calculates mathematically. Full knowledge of individuals in marriage will make known, partners’ shortcomings. Individuals must perform freely according to his / her strength. Let there be a sharing of responsibilities according to God’s ability for individuals. Where the man is weak, the woman would be strong. Discover the strength of your partner and utilize it. Marriage life is a complementary affair. There must be “Going with” and “Carrying along” in marriage partnership: “And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go”- Gen. 24:58. “And Ruth said, intreat me not to leav thee, or to return from following thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; and thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God” – Ruth 1:16. “Going with” on the part of woman requires commitment. “Carrying along” on the part of the man involves enlightening and educating the woman on all that is to be done. Man must not assume that the woman knows it all. The woman must be carried along in all issues from the very beginning. Marriage is not an agreement to stay together but a welding together of the two individuals that nothing will put asunder. Culture, if different or the same, and the standard of the world must not be taken above the word of God. The world and situation around will make a way for the man and woman who knows what he / she is doing.

No man or woman can stand-alone. God said “It is not good that the man (or the woman) should be alone” – Gen. 2:18. There must be a partner. “A tree can not make a forest,” they say. So also, a man or woman alone can not make a home. The two would have to form partnership (a union or fusion) to make more than a forest: one would put a thousand to flight but two, ten thousand - “Deu. 32:30.

CHAPTER TWO:

SUBMISSION AND LOVE

(1) SUBMISSION

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church…”- Eph. 5:22-23.

At creation, God attached the identity of the woman to the man. The woman loses her identity in man, and her individuality was merged in man: “Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created – “Gen. 5:2. God named both the man and the woman Adam at the time when they were created. In Adam was Eve at the very beginning before she came to being by God’s operation of a bone removal from the side bone of Adam. She was the bone of his bones and the flesh of his flesh (Gen.2:23). Adam added, “she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man”. Originally she was inside of the man. The two of them became a unit when they came together:“be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”-Vs 24. The wife (woman) is therefore commanded by God to submit herself whole-heartedly to the man. This is not a matter of debate. If a wife takes interest in dominating her husband, the home will be in chaos, as she will despise her husband. The children will lose the natural respect for their father, which is necessary for their adjustment to life. Refusal of the Woman to be in subjection to her husband is an act of disobedience. Violation of that principle produces misery. The woman is to be submitted in all areas of her life: educationally, position, monetary, her body e.t.c. God intended man to be the head of his home. This will make a sense of responsibility in the man. God placed man’s dominion over the woman at the time of judgment in the Garden of Eden: “Unto the woman he said, ... thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” – Gen. 3:16. The Woman that is obedient to God and is subject to her husband in all aspects will enjoy lasting peace and kindness of her husband. A woman will not be happy for long unless she is subject to her husband. The woman is to be submissive to her husband’s desire when he makes a decision, and should comply with his requirements. Submission on the part of the wife is a scriptural responsibility. A Woman that sow submission in obedience to God will reap blessing in abundance. Submission of the woman also creates environment for genuine love and respect for each other.

A wife’s submission to her husband is the key to a happy marriage.

II LOVE :

Love between husband and wife is more than physical attraction, lust, personal desire, sympathy or compassion. It is a feeling of strong personal attachment induced by God. It goes with understanding and an ardent affection. God instructed man to love his wife sacrificially as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her:

“Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for it … so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself … Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” -Eph. 5:25-33.

Apostle Paul’s writing on love in 1 Cor. 13:4-7 as it appears in The Living Bible paraphrase by Kenneth Taylor says: “Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand her own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice it when others do her wrong. Love is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground to defending him”.

Nine characteristic of love that are pointed out in the writing of Apostle Paul are: patience, kindness, generosity, humility, courtesy, unselfishness, good temper, guilelessness and sincerity. The man should give each of these a careful examination of his love to his wife to see if he meets God’s standard.

All men need the power of the Holy Spirit to supply the kind of love God expects them to extend to their partners. To love someone else as your own body demands sacrificial and supernatural kind of love. Both husband and wife are commanded to love each other, but it should be pointed out that while the wife is commanded once to love her husband (Titus 2: 4), the husband is commanded at least three times in Ephesians chapter 5: 25 – 33 to love his wife. Women are naturally more inclined to demonstrate love. Love is practical. There would be trouble in the home when love disappears. One of the characteristics of love is kindness. Don’t only seek to receive kindness from your spouse, give it yourself. Try to avoid speaking in such a way that can hurt your partner. Abstain from curt remarks and sarcasm. Anytime you talk to your partner ask yourself “ Is that kind?” If not, apologize to your spouse and seek God’s grace to be kind. Love shows approval. Expression of love need be shown occasionally by approving what your mate does. Disapproving your spouse’s action, words or whatever can kill love. Disapproving hurts even more than physical abuse. It leads to making the problem or whatever that is disapproved greater than it is. It involves concentrating on the negative side of your spouse rather than thanking God on the good and positive side. Approval of your spouse must be public and private to assure your love. Your partner needs your approval for his / her adjustment in life and marriage. Naturally we respond better to commendations rather than condemnations.

God will give you love for your partner if you seek it. The fact that you do not love your partner may not mean that your partner does not love you. It only stresses your own lack of love If you want to love your partner, you can. God is the author of love; he will give you a new love for your partner if you sincerely ask him. It is plain love that makes a woman to be happy not just money, jewels or lovemaking. It is the treatment that produces love, kindness, understanding, acceptance or approval, and the recognition by the husband that he is just not complete without her. Let the man love his wife “as his own body”. If he does, she would return his love. That is the nature of women.

CHAPTER THREE:
COMMUNICATION

Communication is one of the keys to a happy home. Lack of communication or wrong communication is always a problem for the couples. Communication under pressure of anger and shouting at the top of one’s voice or mute indifference is a wrong approach.

As long as two people can keep the lines of communication open and freely express their feelings, differences can be resolved. Most marital problems stem from the inability of the two people concerned to talk to each other. Matured love leads to freedom of expressing for both individuals. The man and woman who can air their differences have no room for hostility in their home, and they will have a good chance of growing together.

According to a psychologist, a wall of resistance to communication can be built gradually in marriage by these three weapons:

EXPLOSION – Natural reaction of a person is to explode when told of his / her short comings rather than face them honestly. This explosion is the result of an inner anger and hostility that causes him / her to attempt self protection Psychological nakedness is more shameful than Physical nakedness. When someone, particularly our partner, points out our deficiencies, we tend to grasp something to cover us and that would lead to anger and expression through explosion. This teaches our partner that, “ you can’t come that close to my weaknesses; if you do, I’ll explode”.

The second is SELF – DEFENCE: that result in tears. It is mostly being used by women. It is a way of saying to your partner, “Don’t tell me my shortcoming or I’ll cry!” The husband would therefore sub – consciously hold back his communication for correction lest he make her cry. Thus another block is laid in the wall that impedes communication. Husbands should be able to distinguish between tears of emotion stress, joy and self – pity in their wives. Women often show their emotion through tears. Don’t despise your wife’s tears. Be patient and kind. The woman who is early moved to tears has the greater capacity to express her emotions in every area of life. Such a woman is more responsive to tenderness and lovemaking than the dry – eyed woman. An emotional wife becomes a compassionate mother and a loving wife.

The third weapon is SILENCE: This is a dangerous tool.

It eliminates communication and has a greater effect physically and spiritually upon a person. Silence for a long time is as a result of deepening anger. That can result in diseases such as ulcer and high blood pressure. It user pays more for it. How much better it would be if two people would learn to freely communicate their differences, and thereby avoid not only problems but also side effects! Remember, all anger, bitterness, and wrath grieves the Holy Spirit (Eph. 4: 30 – 32). No man can “walk in the Spirit “ and be mad at his wife ( Gal. 5: 16)

HOW TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY

The Bible teaches that we should speak the truth in love (Eph. 4 : 5). Always show love while speaking the truth to your partner.

Consider using the following steps in conveying your words:

1. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help in the discussion and to effect a positive change in your relationship.

2. Plan for a time that would be best possible for both of you to objectively look and consider yourselves in line with the pressing issue.

3. With kind words say exactly what is in your heart. Let your love be equal to your truth.

4. Don’t lose your temper. Anger on one person’s part brings about an angry response by the other. Under anger, we often say more than we intend and usually this excess is cutting, cruel and unnecessary. Kindly state your objection in love only once, and let the Holy Spirit use your word to effect a change.

5. Allow for reaction time. It is you that have prayed and prepared for the discussion; your partner is taken by surprise. Don’t defend your self. Let there be freedom of expression.

Golden expressions in marriage that are necessary for couples to repeatedly communicate throughout their marriage are: (i) “I am sorry”. “ For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God”— Rom. 3: 23.

Everyone makes mistakes and you will sin against your partner many times in a normal marriage. As you are willing to face your mistakes and apologize to your partner, resistance will dissolve and spirit of forgiveness will prevail. It is pride that makes people unwilling to accept their mistakes. This is a spiritual problem. Admit your wrong and treat it objectively and honestly both to yourself and to your partner. (ii) “ I love you” is a second golden expression in marriage. Both need it. It must be voiced out directly to your spouse. Making available all she wants cannot replace that expression. The more your partner loves you, the more he / she enjoys hearing your expression of love. Say it often and meaningfully.

CHAPTER FOUR:
MARRIAGE GUIDING PRINCIPLES

The nearest thing to heaven on this earth is the Christian family and the home where husband and wife, parents and children live in love and peace together for the Lord and for each other. The nearest thing to hell on earth is an ungodly home, broken by sin and iniquity where parent quarrel and separate, and children abandoned to the devil and the forces of the wickedness.

The under listed guiding principles of marriage are some of the matters that keep marriages united or in chaos depending on how they are handled.

MATURITY:

Selfishness is a sign of immaturity. It is to be completely done away with in marriage. Not having your own way and being able to control your emotion in marriage proves your maturity. There need not be compromise in marriage. Every issue need be treated truly. In case there are differences of opinion, such touchy problem offer the best way couples can maturely face future occurrence and thereby live in harmony. Learn to say “ I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

SHARING:

“Give, and it shall be given unto you...”- Luke 6:38.

You never get anything by getting. In God’s standard, the way to get is by giving out. It is unchristian to always expect to receive and not be ready to give. Love and submission to each other should come from both sides. Make your partner happy and you will be made happy also. Give your all, and you’ll receive happiness.

BE OPEN TO CHANGE:

Changes are part of marriage. Blending of two separate individuals together requires that each of the partner need to give room to change. Give time to adjustment as to blend together. Changes take time and in the end, it results in harmony. There is nothing like “I don’t compromise” in marriage. Both must have to make the marriage a success. No superiority either. The man up there and the woman down there must come together (blending) and form a new whole. No more two but one.

COURTESY:

Treat your wife like a queen and she will treat you like a king. Treat your wife as a gentle man will treat a lady. “Love begets love”, they say. Having preferential treatment for each other will increase your love for each other.

Correcting your partner should be done in your closets and not in the public. Talk your partner’s shortcomings with him / her first after you have prayed to God about it. If there is no difference your pastor is always in the position with whom you can share the problem for counseling purpose. Correction should be done carefully and lovingly.

COMPARISON:

Both must be careful not to compare others to your spouse. Indulgence in unkind comparisons will create hostilities and conflict in the home. “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise”- II Cor. 10: 12(NIV).

APPEARANCE:

“Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart”- I Sam. 16: 7(NIV).

Your partner is human; he or she will look on your outward appearance. Do no relax your standard of appearance after marriage. Do not do thing that are naturally easier for you like not shaving, not keeping the hair, e.t.c when both of you are together in the home. This personal care is particularly needed now in this day of men and women working together in an office or establishment. Always maintain your attractiveness to your spouse. Give no reason for not doing that. Not satisfying your spouse at home and maintaining your good appearance at work is hypocrisy.

SOCIAL LIVE:

Likes and dislikes of each other need be understood and must be taken into consideration. Not only during courtship but also in marriage must the two show interest in one another’s social life. Remember, “in honour preferring one another.” This law will work best also in social aspect of the couples lives.

FRIENDS:

It is important that Christians find some Christian friends as close companions. Other friends can exist also but there would be need to pray God that they know Christ by His grace. Christian friends will help you grow in faith. If the unbeliever should be your close companion, remember, “evil communications corrupt good manners”- I Cor. 15: 33.

PARENTS:

Most parents find it difficult to clip all apron strings after their Children have married. Be considerate and thoughtful of your partner's parents. Treat your in-laws with dignityand respect. If it appears they are interfering too much in your marriage, let their offspring do the telling. Avoid speaking negatively to your partner’s parents. It is possible to have an enjoyable relationship with in – laws that in turn enrich your marriage.

CHAPTER FIVE:
MARRIAGE BINDERS

For the couple to live together in the home, some binding agents must need be in operation. These include marriage aspects commonly discussed in seminars but which have not been given much attention. They are unavoidable in marriage and they require our uncompromising attention. Some of such binding agents are:

FINANCE:

It is unbiblical to put up a debate whether or not couple in a Christian home should have a common purse or a joint account. Such an attempt would mean deliberate violation of God’s principle such as occurred between Eve and the Serpent: debating whether or not to eat the forbidden fruit. At the end of such a debate, the side that is opposed to God would seem to have the victory because the devil, who is the author of such a dialogue, would have inspired many “reasonable” reasons against God’s principles. Know for sure that the reasonability of man was corrupted in the Garden of Eden through that dialogue between Eve and the serpent. We are not to set up a debate on joint or common purse but to obey God’s law: so they are no longer two, but one. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”- Matt. 19:6 NIV. Let no man (the husband or the wife) put asunder by the reasons of not keeping a common purse. The causes of separation in marriage are the couples themselves. They allowed situations and men (in the court of law) to separate them. They themselves will agree together before a law court to be separated. Why? Because they allowed one form of ungodly situation or the other to stay with them, gain ground and separate them. One of such ugly factor is money. Money must not be allowed to have a rule in Christian marriage. Its presence in the home is good but it is not the major or number one factor of a happy home. Its absence does not indicate failure. It can be present or absent. It is not a fixed commodity. It is variable. It is a servant that may be available for the errand for which it is meant. If it is absent at times, the work to be done may have to be postponed until its arrival if there is no alternative means. It must not be worshiped as a god:“ for the love of money is the root of all evil; which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows” - I Tim. 6:10.

All financial investment must be jointly agreed upon in marriage. Anytime one of the partners is opposed to a particular financial investment, it would be better to wait until there is agreement than to have one defy the other’s feelings on the matter.

Keeping separate account breeds a feeling of independence and self – sufficiency that God did not intend marriage couples to have. Remember marriage is a joint venture between two people who live as one. Both are to jointly fulfill God’s law concerning blessing: Tithing, Offerings and Giving.

CHILDREN:

Children in the home are another binding agent for the couple: “Children are heritage of the LORD...” Psalm 127:3. They are gifts from God as one of the blessings of marriage, but not the central pillar in marriage. Marriage was not primarily instituted for the sake of bearing children only. The first purpose of marriage is companionship. There should be no divorce or bringing into the home, another woman if there is no Child. No divorce or remarriage also if one particular sex surfaces in childbirth. The presence or absences of children in the Christian home need not to have a negative impact on the compatibility of the couple. Their incoming, by the grace of God, should not separate wife and husband: no separate room or bed because of a child. The child is not supposed to sleep in -between the parents as well except there is the need for an intensive health care of the baby. Sooner or later that child will be on his / her own away from the parents. Let no child put asunder what God has joined together.

SEX:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”-I Cor. 7:3-5.

As salt is to food, so also is sex to marriage. If sex is not appropriately handled in marriage, there would be problem. It is to be handled with adequate understanding. It is one of marriage binding agents. It is the cord of the union between the husband and the wife: “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, The two will become one flesh”- I Cor. 6:16.

To whom one is joined with in sexual relationship has become one flesh with him / her. The primary purpose of marriage is not sex but companionship. Sex makes marriage enjoyable if it is handled mutually and with understanding. It is a binding agent. Denial leads to adultery (sex outside marriage). A good sex relationship must be formed between the couple. There must not be selfishness.

PRAYER:

Prayer is the means of communication with God. It binds together the couple that knows how to use it. Marriages have been transformed by initiating a time of regular prayer between couples. This bring about sharing of burdens and leads to sharing of thoughts on past or forgotten issues due to busy activities. Prayer broadens the bond between a husband and his wife. Someone has said, “You can’t quarrel with the woman you prayer with every day”. It is emotionally beneficial to get down and pray on your knees together. Both must desire and initiate prayer for it to be of mutual help. Never allow complex events to drive you to your knees. Learn to know Him together in prayer before such need arises.

CHRIST:

“ … for without me ye can do nothing” John 15: 5.

Jesus Christ wants to be the Lord and savior of you as an individual, and then to be the Lord of your marriage. If he is, then the home you are building will abide in lasting peace and blessing. If he is not you will never experience all the blessing that God has for you in marriage. If people are properly related in a personal way to Jesus Christ, they will most likely be properly related to each other. Jesus will become the first of the three-fold cord of their marriage: ”a three fold cord is not quickly broken”-Eccl. 4:12. Jesus is interested in every area of your life. Living in accordance with his will as revealed in the Bible is the most important thing you can do to ensure a happy marriage. Christ is the greatest key to happiness in marriage.

CHAPTER SIX:
LETTER TO THE COUPLES

HUSBAND:

To my dear husband friend, remember that God made you to be the head of your home after Christ the Chief head. Both of you are equally important in the home: No superior and no inferior for none can stand alone. Your wife is precious, handle her with tenderness and avoid domineering spirit. Be polite to her just as you act politely to a new stranger. As you act jovially towards people outside, in office and other places, do likewise at home to your wife. Do you know that women pass through cycles in life? This can change their mood and behaviours. Be observant, patient and understanding so that you can relate with her “ according to knowledge”.

Love your wife:

Sacrificially – willing to give up ALL (ambition, pleasure, friends, e.t.c ) for her sake.

Purposefully – putting off all selfishness;

Realistically – not diminishing in love despite ups and down;

Willfully – determine to love her with great affection;

Absolutely – without reservation limitation or condition just as Christ loved us.

Be honest with her; do not be deceitful or else she would find it difficult to love you.

Correct her privately between the two of you and commend her publicly before friends, children and partners.

Finally my brother, be fair to her in financial matters. Give correct cash for appropriate items and allow her to make purchase for the home. Allow her to manage your physical needs. She is your home keeper; give her free hand to operate. If she does not know how to, teach her and allow her to practice. Discover her strength and utilize it. Let her perform in those areas that you are weak. Walk together with her. Carry her along in all issues.

WIFE:

My sister in the Lord, no matter how he behaves only seek to please the Lord by being “in subjection to your own husband” I Peter 3:1. Submit to him whole – heartedly in all areas of your life. Make yourself lovable to him; loving him so much is not too much for you. Always try to meet the needs of your husband not facially but genuinely. Do not be demanding or selfish. Avoid criticism; discover his weaknesses and needs, and try to satisfy them. Abandon all dependency on your parent and friends. Never criticize his parents. Welcome my friend warmly at his arrival into the home; reserve all negative comments / reports until after meal . Remove all jealousy and greet him with a smile if not a kiss. Forget about changing your husband’s character. That can only be done by God. Pray and let your conversation with him be with love, then watch to see how God will change him for you (I Peter 3: 1– 2). Always have heart to heart talk with him; submit to him, care and pray for him. Put him first in your thought; appreciate all his doings and be kind to him. Be economical; don’t spend excessively. Be yourself. Never compare another woman with yourself. Be a good mother to your children. Show them good example and teach them the word of God. That is a ministerial work on your part. Win first your children for God before you think of winning others.

In conclusion, accept him as he is, cling to him and love him. May God bless your home, Amen.

CHAPTER SEVEN:

ABC OF SOLVING MARRIAGE PROBLEMS

A – Accept and attack the problem and not your partner. Do not announce the problem so as not to enlarge it.

B – Do not Blame others or your partner for your problem; blame yourself for when you blame others the problem remains.

C – Create a free atmosphere to solve problems; when you sit to discus it, solution is ready at hand.

D – Defending yourself or the problem would not solve it. Do not defend yourself.

E – Examine problem and yourself do not examine your partner at the time of problem.

F – Face the problem maturely. Do not boast of your positive ness and you will be able to solve it.

G – Good fighting (not a bad one) to solve the problem timely with spiritual weapon; not loudly and not in the public.

H – Pray and forgive each other at the end. Let no poison remain in your Heart.

I – Insist on solving the problem before you sleep. Do not sleep without settling a problem.

J – Do not be Jealous of your partner or else it results in anger or malice.

K – Kindly express your objections in love. Say exactly what is in your mind.

L – Learn by the problem you have passed through.

M – Don’t Magnify problem beyond outward show. Meditate on the positive side of your partner.

N – Neglect the problem so that it does not inflame your heart

O – Open the problem to each other so as to conquer them.

P – Be Prayerful, Patient and Persevering when trying to overcome any problem.

Q – Quietness: Listening attentively is what you need when a partner is talking about the problem.

R – Remember always that Satan has interest in the problem: be watchful and careful.

S – Study the problem in line with the word of God. Cool down, don’t be under pressure.

T – Take the problem always from between you.

U – Understand your partner.

V – Vacate not the house or else you come back to meet the problem again. Settle the problem with mature mind.

W – Worry not about the problem; when you worry about it, you are magnifying it.

X – You get to a Crossroad as long as the problem remains.

Y – Yesterday’s problem can spoil happiness of today. Settle the problem on time to be happy everyday.

Z – Zealously bring your tongue under control when solving a problem.

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* * “If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them” - John 13:17.

* * Pray to develop these ways of living with your partner.

* * Except you have Jesus in your life, all these cannot be possible.

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