CHOICE OF FUTURE PARTNER AND CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP

Choice of Future Partner

And

Christian Courtship

By

David Aremu

First Print February, 2002

Second Print 2009

Third Print April, 2010

All scriptural quotations are from the New Living Translation (NLT)

of the Bible, unless otherwise stated.

Published by:

Christian Publishing International

P.O.Box 387, Jebba, Kwara State, Nigeria.

Tell: (+234)8036121781; (+234)8051109976

Email: christianpubint@yahoo.com,cpi2009@live.com

Website: www.cpi-cpi.blogspot.com

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Dedication……………………………………………………………

Acknowledgement……………………………………………………………

Foreword……………………………………………………………

Introduction…………………………………………………………

Chapter 1: The purpose of God for Marriage…………………

Chapter 2: Building the Christian Home………………………..

Chapter 3: Choice of Future Partner……………………………

Chapter 4: Christian Courtship………………………………….

Chapter 5: Christian Marriage…………………………………………….

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the YOUTHS that are ready to build Christian Homes.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I strongly acknowledge the roles of our partners in this publishing arm of the body of Christ, the Christian Publishing International (CPI). The Lord of the harvest will richly reward you all, amen.

God bless you.

David Aremu

FOREWORD

I think that you will probably agree this is the best book on Choice of Partner and Christian Courtship you have ever read. It is punchy, down to earth, humorous, practical, helpful and full of inspired common sense.

A strong marriage with God in the center is a real powerhouse for the kingdom of God and makes Satan tremble.

Good marriages however, require long-term investment and hard work. They don’t fall down from the sky. It depends on taking time to communicate with God before choosing and with God and partner during courtship.

For this purpose this book is written to open us up. Are you at the stage of choosing your partner? Read this book. What will the courtship period be for? – Get this book.

How are we going to pass through the marriage without entering in to debt? – Make this book your bosom friend.

For all these purpose this book is written. I recommend it for your reading.

May the favour of God be yours as you do so. Amen

Rev. Samuel O. Olayioye

ECWA Church, Ilorin DCC.

INTRODUCTION

“I know, Lord, that a person’s life is not his own. No one is able to plan his own course.” - Jeremiah 10:23”.

The way of man and a woman is not in the hand of either to direct. It is only God who directs the steps of his children:

“The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives.”- Psalm 37:23. The coming together of a man and woman is of the Lord. Only He who created us knows the best for us. No one should choose a life partner at will. Choosing at will has led many into problems. Many homes suffer and many break up; only a few enjoy the blessedness of marriage. The reason lies in the way the choice was make at the beginning.

A wrong choice affects the Church of God. If the homes have no peace, the Church will suffer. That is the reason why every would be Bishop (Pastor) should first know how to handle his own home before he can be ordained to shepherd the Church of God -

I Tim.3: 4-5.The home is the first thing the devil attacks, and so he makes sure Christian homes are built on wrong choices.

Christian homes are to be built on the foundation of God’s word. The God that formed man has provided rules to guide him so that he would get to the expected end.

“How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word and following its rules.”- Psalm 119:9.

Chapter One

THE PURPOSE OF GOD FOR MARRIAGE

A

nd the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.”

- Gen.2: 18.

The first purpose of God for a man in marriage is to provide him a helper in form of a woman, the complement of the man or rather the second half of the man. Man is never complete without a woman. It was from the man that God took out a bone to form the woman. That renders the man incomplete and the woman incomplete also. For there to be a complete being, the man and the woman must come together to be united:

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”- Gen.2: 24.

Both of them would become one. That is, the man who became half plus the woman who was made the second half both join together as one. The man cannot plan and live alone. There must be a help meet. A help-meet, not a help-mate. That is someone that is suitable and that would be uniquely fitted into the life of the man in every aspect so that it would become impossible for one to live without the other. A mate can be a troublemaker, but an help-meet is to fill up a gap in her husband’s life. She does not cause him any trouble. Both of them are to keep no secret in mind: they are to be naked in their relationship with each other:

“Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame.” – Gen. 2:25.

There would be no shame between the man and the woman designed by God to be one flesh when they live together with open mindedness.

That is the bedrock of their love. Anything sort of that would bring shame.

The second purpose of God for marriage is procreation: the act of

begetting. “God blessed them and told them, ‘Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it. Be masters over the fish and birds and all the animals.’ ”- Gen. 1:28. Godly seed can only be produced from the union of a man and a woman designed together by God in a holy matrimony (Malachi 2:15). There are lots of ungodly seeds (children). This is contrary to God’s plan for man and woman. A child resulting from fornication or adultery can be regarded as an ungodly seed: “And did not God make (you and your wife) one flesh? Did not one make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why did God make you two one? Because He sought a godly offspring (from your union)…- Mal. 2:15.AMP. Such ungodly seed becomes a problem. Ishmael was born contrary to God’s design for Abraham. His descendants kept despising and persecuting the true children of God (descendants of Isaac, the promised godly seed) up till today.

The fore fathers of the Moabites and the Ammonites, the enemies of

Israel, were born though unholy union of Lot and his two daughters (Gen. 19:30-38).

Thirdly, God purposed is that through marriage, sexual sins would be out of the way: “… if they have not self – control (restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry, than to be aflame (with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desired)”- 1Cor. 7:9 AMP.

God did not design for us a life of torture but of peace. He designed all things for our enjoyment. But he makes a law to restrain us from living contrary to his purpose. Sexual relationship involving an unmarried person is fornication while that which involves the Married is adultery. Both are punishable by eternal death in hell. They shall not inherit the kingdom of God (Gal. 5:21).

Chapter Two

BUILDING THE CHRISTIAN HOME

P

lanning for marriage can be likened to building a house. A house can be built on the rock as its foundation or on sand. The teaching of Christ in the Gospel of Matt. 7:24-27 is related to marriage. You can be wise by building your marriage on a solid foundation – the word of God, Prayer and the leading through the spirit of God. But you can be a fool by building your marriage on sinking sand: Money, Beauty, Educational qualification, and status e.t.c. all that can fade away. The reason for selecting a solid foundation is that there would be “… the rain descended, and the floods came and the wind blew and beat upon that house…” in marriage.

The Christian house can be likened to a canoe that is upon a river and paddled by the man in the front, and the woman at the other end: “And the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves; for the wind was contrary”- Matt. 14:24. No man or woman would ever say his or her marriage had remained exactly as it started. There can be contrary winds of economic difficulties, interference by extended family members, unfaithfulness of partner, intolerance between couple, over commitment to work to the detriment of the family affairs, unforgiving spirit, drunkenness and other sinful behaviours, personality clash, childlessness, unromantic relationship, dressing, sickness or accidents e.t.c. The circumstances of human life are unstable, so contrary situation to what is expected in marriage may set in. A time of testing may come up. This will only make the two grow in faith towards God and in faithfulness to each other. Always remember that a house that is divided against itself cannot stand (Mark. 3:25).

Let me share with you some instances that happen recently. A brother pastor was engaged to a lady. The man failed to consult the right people (Parents, Pastor) who could helped him discern God’s choice for him. They got married at last and had children. But behold, the woman is the type that fights any body with whom she come into contact, including her in-laws. The man had to leave the woman behind as he travel to another country, where he works. He cannot re-marry and he does not want to take along a termagant.

Anther brother pastor married a sister Nurse recently. At the end of the wedding, the man had to pack out accepting to live alone, away from his strange wife who could not even allow the man to have his marital pleasure. The marriage got broken, as the lady allowed no pregnancy to stand.

A so-called sister got into the hand of a Muslim who already had a wife. All efforts to prevent this union proved abortive. At last she traveled out of sight with the muslim husband. Several years passed before they ended up in a divorce.

A brother married a sister and was not blessed with the fruit of the womb. After several years of waiting, the man impregnates a secondary school girl and sent the unfortunate wife packing.

Another brother could not patiently wait for the wedding before been engaged in pre-marital sex. The parents of the wife disagreed they be married after they were blessed with a daughter. Later, an elderly Christian “prophet” advised the man to look for another lady. This was done in no time and they were blessed with three children. At last there came a divorce. The man concluded to be alone rather than reconcile with his second trouble - some wife.

A lot is happening in marriages. A brother said he is not interested in marriage seeing the odd things happening in his senior brother’s marriage. God is against the doctrine of “forbidding to marry”. It is the doctrine of the devil in this last days (1Tim.4: 1-3). God designed you for a marriage.

Marriage can be enjoyed to the extent of not wanting to part even for a weekend. My wife cannot travel away from home for a week. She always return before the stipulated date saying “don’t you know I have been away from home for long; and besides, there is noting I am doing over there.” Except for a Christian programmed, it is not easy living home either. Marriage is not made in the day of wedding. It is a long time process that culminates in wedding. Marriage is a process which both party contribute to get tangible results. The opposite is chaos. Hell on earth. As you lay your bed so you sleep on it, they say. Your marriage starts for good or bad the first day you make a choice of a partner. This is the heartbeat of this writing so that Christian homes could be built and the church of God can be in unity. The unity or disunity of the church starts from the homes of individual members of the church.

Chapter Three

CHOICE OF A FUTURE PARTNER

T

he first thing to be considered in getting a future partner is your physical maturity (age). A secondary school student must not occupy his / her mind with the thought of who to marry. That state is a learning period both in the secular and spiritual. The mind is tender and when exercised on marital love affairs, the learning process may be affected. No man can serve two masters. You will make one and fail in the other. You cannot love book and “love partner” at the same time in the secondary school. Some that tried it, failed.

After the secondary school education stage, the preparation of the heart on who to marry may commence. At this stage, probably above 18 years the mind is getting mature to handle more than one thought at a time. But above all spiritual maturity is of a great importance: growing in grace of the knowledge of God. Living outside this, leads to a wrong choice.

The next step is Prayers. You need to back up your thought with prayers. Not just for a short time, but pray and pray before and after you have met. Prayer is always the very first step. God answers prayer by giving a direction to follow. Be sure you receive direction from God before you step out to act upon the instruction or the leading of God.

This is the foundation stage. You can either build on the rock (God’s instructions) or on sand (human desires). As you pray, open your heart to God. Do not rely on your own desire. The man (Adam) was asleep in Eden when God was creating the woman. And the woman did not know the time when God formed the man. You don’t help God to get yourself an idea of your future partner. God that formed you, know the best for you. Forget about tribal differences. Forget about whatever that is physical, and look unto Jesus, “the author and the finisher of our faith” to chose your best for you. You can only desire to get into marriage with a person who will grow along with you in the things of God and to make heaven together. “Delight yourself also in the LORD, and he will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart – Psalm 37:4 AMP. Delight means to take great pleasure in the things of God. Love God and serve him with the whole of your heart. “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us whatever we ask, we know that we will have what we asked of him”- 1John. 5:14. NIV. The amplified bible adds this to it: “if we ask, anything (make any request) according to his will he hears us”. God has a plan for everyone in marriage. It is through prayer that such a plan is revealed.

Let your heart desire be in line with the will of God: a true child of God and not somebody who will be unequally yoked together with you (II Cor.6: 14). Not a Christian versus a Muslim or a Churchgoer versus a born again child of God. There must not be a mismatch. God said it is wrong. One will pull down the other from walking upward to God. Your life is what it is by the decision you decide to take. Right decisions (God’s will) will give you a life-long happiness. On the other hands wrong decisions will cause a life-long regret. Rejecting the counsel of God’s word is foolishness. Patiently waiting for the will of God gives desired result. No matter how long it would cost you, take time to pray and be led of God.

METHODS OF GOD’S GUIDANCE

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” - Proverbs 3:5-6.

God answers our prayers by giving us inspiration in line with our request. God can witness to you by the Holy Spirit ministering to your heart through your thoughts (conscience).

God can speak to you directly from His word as you give yourself to study and meditation on God’s word.

There can be a direct revelation through dreams and visions of night directly to you rather than through a “prophet”. Accepting another person’s revelation for your life is building on sand. Until you receive for yourself do not trust second hand prophecy or revelation. Not even the wish of your parents.

As you keep praying, God can inspire your love toward his choice for you. Such love cannot be quenched by temporal or contrary circumstances. More prayers will only increase your love for the person and put out any lust in your heart. Qualities in such a ones life would begin to show up. You begin to see the clear need for you to be united with that person. There would be a conviction brought about by the Spirit of God in your heart that God has answered your prayer. It doesn’t come in haste. It takes time for it to come and settles. Be fully convinced before taking a step.

Seeks Godly counsel from spiritual elders in your church especially your pastor. Allow other people of God to know about, confirm, interrogate and examine your conviction.

APPROACH

The man is usually the first to make an approach. Never is it proper for a sister to approach the man. Even if the sister got the leading first and she is convinced. There is therefore the need for her to pray more so that the man would be led of God to come over to Macedonia.

The man can approach through the minister or church leader if so desired. He can as well prayerfully approach the sister if he wishes. Allow the sister to be convinced too. Give her time to pray and come up with tangible result: “….let everyone be fully convinced (satisfied) in his own mind” -Rom. 14:5 AMP. If her answer is negative and she stands by it, then you have to re-examine your steps. Do I say you start all over again? If you are very sure as a brother, give peace a chance in your heart. A brother wooed a sister for over one year before she gave him a favorable reply. Only be fully convinced in your heart. At last if she agrees, praise the LORD.

BEFORE COURTSHIP BEGINS

Before courtship begins at all, each should seek parent’s consent. This is very important. Both parents must know, consider and approve it. It is advisable to start courtship after the consent of the two parental sides have been won. At times the will of God is made surer by the parental yes or no. The conviction of the brother and sister together in prayers can change the decision of either parental side that objects. At last they would give in and then the courtship could begin.

Secondly, examine your blood group tests with that of the partner-to-be.

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge…”- Hosea 4:6.

Knowledge is power as well as light that bring one out of darkness. Many marital problems, especially in relation to birth of children, would not have been encountered by many if they knew and abide by the law guiding their blood group tests.

BLOOD GROUP AND THEIR MATCHING:

Parents Blood Group - Resulting Children

AA and AA AA, AA, AA, AA

AA and AS AA, AS, AA, AS

AS and AS AA, AS, AS, SS

SS and SS SS, SS, SS, SS

Blood group AA has no trace of Sickle Cell problem. Group AS is a career of the trait while SS is dominant. To avoid giving birth to Sickle celled children would-be couples must avoid marrying a partner with the “S” trait.

WHO CAN MARRY WHO?

AA and AS

AA and AA

AA and SS

THOSE NOT TO BE MARRIED

AS and SS

SS and SS

AS and AS

EFFECTS OF “SS” ON A CHILD

1. Excessive spending on medication for the child

2. Much physical labor (upset) of other family members

3. Untimely death of the child may occur

All these joy-destroying visitors in marriage can be avoided if correct matching is done in marriage. It starts from your making a choice of your future partner. Do not be destroyed (emotionally and financially) and do not destroy the lives of the children prepared by God for the coming generation by your not adhering to these blood group principles. It is good to settle on this before you enter into courtship.

This is not the issue of let us apply faith or God is a miracle working God.

“Such [former] ages of ignorance God, it is true, ignored and allowed to pass unnoticed; but now He charges all people everywhere to repent [that is] to change their minds for the better…”

- Acts 17:30.

When you do not know before you enter into it, is a different thing. God is faithful and His mercy will be showered upon you. But now that He opens your mind and eyes to see things that are likely to happen in the future, He wants you to take it to heart and be obedient.

“If you are willing and obedient, You will eat the best

from the land” - Isaiah 1:19.

Chapter Four

CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP

F

our which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock, saying. This man began to build, and was not able to finish” - Luke 14:28-30.

Courtship is the time of building upon the marriage foundation. Remember, if the foundation (choice of future partner) is sure upon the rock, the building upon it shall be guided by God who originates it. But if it is on sand, be sure that the building upon it shall be faulty. Courtship is inter-relationship. It should start after the consent of both parental sides has been sought. It is very important before the actual marriage as not to put the home in ruin.

Many homes that had a secure foundation still have the foundation cracked during courtship. Many did not take the cost of building (courtship) on the foundation serious or rather they did not sit down first to count the cost to find out whether they have sufficient to finish it “Otherwise, when he had laid the foundation and is unable to complete (the building) all who see it begin to mock and jeer at him.”- Luke 14:49 Amp.

Faulty courtship leads to faulty marriage. It is what you start with in courtship that you build upon after marriage. Courtship entails many steps to be taken by the help of the Holy Spirit. The period of courtship is not the time to stay away from each other; this does not mean living together in the same room before the actual marriage. That is not courtship but marriage. It is a big temptation for two people of opposite sex that are intending to be married to be together in the same room for days without involvement in pre-marital sex. Can those who yield to such temptation have a successful marriage and build a Christian home? Even if the foundation is sure, the building upon it is faulty.

Not staying away in courtship means to be in contact face to face or through letters if staying far apart. But even if that is the case, there is need to find time at least once in a while for discussion. This is the time to talk over marital issues. At any point in time when you come together for a discussion, windows and doors are to be left open. Do not close the door while discussing and do not be tempted to sleep over night in the same room because of your lengthy discussion. It is better to sit under a tree or outside the room to discuss. This is termed open discussion. Do not keep discussing till it gets dark. No seeing off for kilometers: you should have discussed all issues in the pallor. If one of you had traveled down to the other, the person-receiving visitor should secure an accommodation with a brother or sister friend as the case may be, for the partner if there is need to sleep overnight. Let your transparency be known to all men. Do not ruin your testimony, keep holiness high. It is the spirit and soul that were saved and not the body (flesh). Remember that the “flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God”- ICor 15:50.

Your coming together must be planned: it must have a purpose. Let there be an agenda of discussion prior to your coming together. Let prayer and Bible discussion be important part of the agenda. You can come together with fasting many a time as to allow concentration in prayer. Pray together for God to sanction your plans. It is in courtship that the couples learn the act of praying together. This make you know yourselves the more and are assured of what the home will look like. If couple-to -be is not united in prayer or do not pray together in courtship, they will not be able to keep a praying Christian home. Remember, you continue to build (after marriage), upon what you do in courtship.

Courtship is a time to learn how to relate together: you know what can make a man or woman happy or sad. It is a time of making adjustments in character or habit to blend with that of the partner. Do not hide your character. Be open. Let your partner know you. Be naked in character. Hidden habit ruins marriage. It is during courtship that both of you can make corrections or adjustments. Remember that two people from different backgrounds are coming to live together under the same roof. God’s design is that you be help- meet and not troublemakers. The writer of Proverb concludes that it is better to live on the corner of the roof or in a desert than to share a house with a quarrelsome or ill-tempered wife (Chp 21:9&19). Let me say on behalf of a woman also that it is better to live on the corner of the roof or in a desert than to share a house with a drunkard, adulterer and a hot-tempered man who take pleasure in beating his wife. You can know the quality of your would - be spouse during courtship. Adjustment can be made during courtship. No one is good; it is by the grace of God through Christ that we are made better.

Point of discussion during courtship can include future plan or expectation, family side and structure, relationship to extended family, consecration to the Lord (let your partner know about your desire to serve God), Money management: not only how much is the expected income but also how to spend the income (budgeting) and to keep a joint account, education professional carrier, e.t.c. The list of discussion an go on and on, only remember that you cannot complete your discussion in one day. Many a times you go over some parts of the discussions as a way of reviewing and making corrections.

HOW LONG CAN THE COURTSHIP BE?

No courtship at all can ruin a home. Samson never engaged himself in courtship and so he fell through the hands of women. Six months courtship can be too short a time to know one another, and a 4-5 years courtship cannot be too long. Time of courtship depends largely on circumstances prevailing on the people concern. Sometime, educational carrier seems to be a major factor in prolonging courtship period. Accumulation of household goods should not be a hindrance to wedding. It is God that blesses every home. It is easier and good to jointly build a home with necessary items than to extend courtship because of furniture or other household goods. Do not let the “soup” be prepared alone, do the cooking of it together in perfect harmony. It is a joint venture to build the home. “Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands”- Proverbs 14:1. Good women help in building homes so brothers should not fear. Do not wait until your house is full before wedding. Remember, a woman comes into your life to be “a help meet”. You cannot do it alone!

Courtship is not to be unduly prolonged. As courtship matures, love also grows. Love will later grow to a point of expression not by words of mouth but by action.

“But if they have not self control (restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame (with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desire)”- 1Cor. 7:9 Amp.

If there are no tangible reasons holding you back from wedding, go ahead and prayerfully fix a date with the consent of both parents. Trust in the Lord to carry you through the wedding expenses. You can never accumulate enough money for your wedding. So far as both of you are engaged in one work or the other your sustenance, go ahead and prayerfully prepare for your wedding. The Lord of heaven will surely see you through. Amen.

Chapter five

WEDDING CEREMONY

L

et your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God”-Philippians 4:5-6.

“Let marriage be held in honor - esteemed worthy, precious (that is) of great price and especially dear in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be (kept undishonored) undefiled; for God will judge and punish the unchaste (all guilty of sexual vice) and adulterous” –Hebrews 13:4. AMP.

Marriage is the legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife. It is a state of being married together. That is, the coming together of the two to become one flesh is the act of marriage. The “welding together” of the two to form one.

Many practices marriage with different people: “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said the two will become one flesh”- ICor. 6:16. NIV. Shall you them take the member of your body meant for your wife / husband, and unite it with another person? Marriage is between two people: a man and a woman.

WEDDING is marriage ceremony. It is the festivities connected with marriage. Do not be carried away by the festivities connected with marriage (wedding) or else you will not focus on marriage. The wedding day is a day of joy. A day to always remember. It is not for you to lose your mind that day. It must be remembered for good. Do not let wedding ruin your Christian testimony. Do not put on “figures” which you were not used to. Let your moderation be known to all men; cut your coat according to your size. Be moderate, be good in dressing. The world is passing away so be careful in the use of things of this world. Do not lead other astray by your appearance on your wedding day. The wedding will pass and the activities of it but they that do the will of God lives forever (1 John 2 15-17).o not spend to get into debt. You would need money after the ceremony. Do not borrow to perform your wedding ceremony. You don’t have to start living your marital life on credit. This is the problem with most people. Trying to do as other did led them into debt. There is no wisdom in trying to do it as others did it. And there is no shame in doing it the way you are able and can financially cope with. Do not be led astray even by your parents, friend and the church. KNOW YOURSELF: “….blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves”- (Rom 14:22). For when you will begin to wallow in debt no one will come to your aid. They will rather say of you: he / she has done more than he / she can cope with. “Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind”- Rom 14: 5.

REQUIREMENTS FOR MARRIAGE

1. Marriage should be agreed upon by both parents. Parental approval is very important. Let them pray and wish the new home good things. It is the pride of parents to see their children wedded. Do not deprive your parent of this joy by going against or without them in marriage. Even if God’s choice for you is not acceptable to your parents, there is room for you to pray more. Prayer breaks down barriers. Their refusal would work together for good in your marital life.

2. Remember both of you must be of full age: mature physically, spiritually and economically. You need to be engaged in a job as not to be idle. If no job presently, there must have been a certificate to guarantee future prospect: “…If a man will not work, he shall not eat… such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ, to settle down and earn the bread they eat”-II Thes 3:10-12.

3. Marriage Registry: Both of you will present yourself to the Government of the land through the marriage Act in the marriage registry. Your marriage would be made public in the registry; and after 21 days if there is no objection to your marriage, the Registrar has the right to join you together. You will be given a marriage certificate.

4. If you wish to get the church involved in solemnization of your marriage, you will have to send to the church, your marriage application not less than 3 months before the actual wedding day. You will need to meet with appropriate minister for counseling / guidance before the wedding.

Marriage shall not be solemnized if:

(a) There is pregnancy at the time of marriage

(b) Any one of the two is customarily married.

(c) Any of the party is medically certified to be of unsound mind.

(d) Any of the two people involved is a close relative

(e) Both are living together before their marriage.

(f) Any of the two people or both is / are divorced person (s)

(g) Christian believers and non-Christian.

“Solemnization in holy matrimony” is usually the slogan. You must consider it thoroughly.

It is better not to swear innocence after you might have defiled yourself during courtship. It is better not to swear before God and man to be faithful with your spouse till death do you part and latter go against the oath.

Do not put a curse on your marriage by your unfaithfulness. The church cannot force you to do contrary to your desire. It is better you don’t go before the church than to swear falsely.

5.There is no divorce in marriage. Never you think there can be separation for whatever reason. No divorce or remarry while the two people involved lives. Please study Rom. 7:2-3; Matthew 19:3-9; 5:31; I Cor.7: 10-11 and Malachi 2:16. If there comes a case of unfaithfulness (fornication or adultery) and the marriage result in separation, it must be for a period of time. Neither of the party is allowed to be united to another man or woman. Reconciliation is the biblical pattern. Divorce is not the answer; marriage can only be dissolved by death.

6. Monogamy is the biblical order of Christian marriage and not polygamy. Those that practice polygamy in the Bible did that under the dispensation of the law of the Old Testament era. We are in the time of grace, the time of the New Testament. God never planned two or more wives for a man: “…I will make him an help meet for him… and the LORD God cause a deep sleep to fall upon Adam… And he took ONE OF HIS RIBS… And the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man, made he a woman…”- Gen. 2:18-23. Not bones for God did not pull out ribs from the man’s ribs. Bringing into the marital home another woman is bringing in another man’s bone to clash with your original bone. As long as that other woman (the foreign bone) is there, there is bound to be clashes.

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WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?

“W

hen Jesus turned, and seeing them following, said to them, "What do you seek?" They said to Him, "Rabbi" (which is to say, when translated, Teacher), "where are You staying?" 39He said to them, "Come and see." They came and saw where He was staying, and remained with Him that day"- John 1:35-39.

To be a genuine soul winner at this end time, we must consider where we dwell. The two disciples following John came to Jesus to enquirer about where he stays before they abode with him and became his disciples. Your home speaks more of you than your official or outside meetings with people. What face do you put on at home with your wife, husband, children and neighbors and what face do you put on outside in your office or place of work or with your friends? Know that out of door function do not show much of a person’s character. When people get to where you live, do they loose respect for the church you attend? What do they see in your home - quarrelling, anger, backbiting, unholy behaviours to your neighbors especially those of the opposite sex? You may cover up to visitors but what actually is the state of your home: your private life?

"And yea shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth" – Acts1: 8.

Your closet or home is your Jerusalem from where you are to start witnessing. It is your place of familiar environment: where you are familiar with people and you are well known. Your acceptability start from there. This is your place where your genuine encounter with Jesus will be noticed and satisfied by people, even by God.

Your Jerusalem… it is here that you will have elders to check your excesses. Do you at all submit to elderly ones at home, in your Jerusalem? Your Jerusalem (home) or vicinity is your laboratory where you are to be "cooked" tested and made ready for onward ministration of future process. It is a place to try and toughen you and sets you forward or gives you a recommendation for future acceptability. Can you witness at your Jerusalem and be accepted to people living there? Why could you not? Except your record of Christians life is genuine. What of your behavior to your parents? Do they accept you and your care for them (I Tim.5: 4,8)? Are your parents approving your behavior towards them? Your success in your Jerusalem determines your progress to Judea, Samaria and to the uttermost part of the world.

Your Jerusalem can be your "today" while your Judea can be your tomorrow and your uttermost part of the world to be your entire life on earth. The way you spend your today affect your tomorrow and your entire life. If your today is not well spent (not making it in your Jerusalem) tomorrow and all other days will ask about it. Incase you come across problems in Judea; you will have to turn back to your Jerusalem. Skipping your Jerusalem and going to Judea and co can lead to problems.

Every Christian needs to start "to do the work of an evangelist" from his or her Jerusalem, for this will bring about world evangelization.

Where are you staying? Can we come and see it?

TEMPTATIONS ON THE INTERNET

O

ne of our Hymns says, “yield not to temptation for yielding is sin…”

Temptation is bound to come our way freely without interruption but it takes the willingness of a man / woman to yield or not to yield.

“Let no one says when he is tempted, 'I am tempted by God’; for God can not be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt any one. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin when it is full - grown, brings forth death” - James 1:13-15. Everyone is tempted when he / she is drawn away, enticed and baited by his / her own evil desire (lust and passions)

If you are familiar with, and always visit the Internet to browse for one thing or the other, you will notice that all forms of advertisement will flash across the screen as you search for what you need. Advert like “Do you want to work and live in the US?” “You Can win a car or whatever if you just make a click and gets into a competition” etc.

As well you will see postures of half naked ladies that may enticed you to make a click on them. Several of such will come your way as you continue your browsing or searching on the Internet. Their elegant charming postures can easily tempt one to make a click. Such a click will usher you in to an environment to view more half dressed ladies or those that are completely naked! Before you know what is happening you are already captured by their naked beauty.

It is not a sin to see the enticing advert at the top of your home page or at a corner as you keep browsing. The whole world is already in the hand of the devil to pollute (infiltrate with every evil sentiments) and squander. His aim is to get hell bound disciples; to entice people, get their hearts and end them up in hell. Hell is real my dear reader. The sin that one enjoys on earth is what will torment that person most in hell. If it is corruption with women, such a person will be ushered into a realm of “enjoyment” with “fire-made” ladies of hell. Not only will the souls of lost men and women be tormented eternally by literal fire, but they will also be tormented by the sins and vices that caused them to be lost. The Internet, as good as it is, can become one of the devil’s biggest trap doors leading directly into hell.

A preacher that had a view of Hell wrote: “The sin that took them to hell torments them continually throughout all eternity. The memory of those opportunities they had of being saved and how in vain they spent their precious time, torments them. The thoughts that might be of service to you on earth if you had heeded them, would turn to torment you in hell at last more than all the torment by whips of burning steel. The punishment of lost souls is directly related to the respective sins, which had occasioned their condemnation. The wages of sin is death – eternal separation from God in a place that God prepared for the devil and his angels and for all that follow the devil. Sin will be judged by eternal fire and torment.”

Are you a man or lady who so much enjoy viewing one attraction (sin) or the other on the Internet or in your daily life? Such an attraction or desire or longing (no matter the name you call if for it’s proper name is SIN) will welcome you to hell to cajole and punish you. You will agree that no one forces you to click on the picture that you don’t want to click on, but your inner desire or lust for such a scene always prompts you; You can say NO to such a longing and go straight to search for your main goal. Yield not to temptations. They are there to capture as many as would not want to a live a life of holiness and to lead them to Hell. When such action grows in you, it leads you into sin, and when sin is fully grown, it ends in death: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” - Rom 6:23.

Dear friend, if you are already captured in one sin or the other, let the Holy Spirit of God work in your heart unto repentance from sin that can lead you in to Hell. Accept the offer of eternal life through Jesus Christ. Tell God you are sorry. Plead for mercy and confess your sin to Him. Ask God to cleanse you by the blood of Jesus: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” - I John 1:9.

Call upon Jesus to save you and come in to your heart (life): “For whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved” - Rom: 10:13.

DANGERS ON THE INTERNET: BEWARE

I

nternet puts the whole world in a global village. It provides electronics means of sending and receiving messages fast and inexpensive throughout the world. It also brings unsolicited messages including adverts of various kinds and pornography to your door step. There are websites that can open you up to unscrupulous individuals and obscene contents. Supplying your email and other personal details to unknown individuals or groups opens you up to predators. You can be duped or introduced to a life of sexual / lustful passions.

THE CHAT ROOM gets you into online communication with people you never meet before. Such unknown people may become predators to lure you into unholy relationship or you get duped. Experts believe that up to 750,000 predators may be online on daily basis, trolling internet chat rooms and dating services.

INSTANT MESSAGES enjoyed by the youths for hours on daily basis can become a danger by distracting your attention from especially studies and fellowship with God and other believers.

BLOGS (online diaries) opens you up to the public and you can reveal your identity/family carelessly. This opens you up to online gamblers.

A more deadly one is the ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORKS where web pages are enhanced with pictures and videos. It enables people to meet many “friends”. Several predators are prevalent on this network. Your engagement in it, is shopping for them.

WHAT TO DO:

We are in the world that is changing more quickly than we can change it as believers even with our prayers. The changing world is changing us and changing the systems around us. Before you are able to purchase a form or register at an institution of higher learning, you must visit the internet. Results of some examinations are released via internet. Even to get employment or be invited for certain official engagements, the internet would need to be visited.

You need must act with wisdom: “Every prudent man / woman acts with knowledge, but a fool lays open his / her folly”- Proverbs 13:16. Parents need to let their children know how the internet works and instill proper value in them so that they will make wise decision when they are alone.

“A man (woman) who isolates him (her) self seeks his (her) own desire; he (she) rages against all wise judgments”- Proverbs 18:1.

Many people visit the websites as private affairs over the night or in their bedrooms. Remember that “One isolating him / her self will seek his / her own selfish longing”. The internet is good but care need to be taken in order not to fall into the temptations of the flesh via the internet.

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TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

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Back Cover:

ABOUT THE BOOK

The coming together of a man and woman is of the Lord. Only He who created us knows the best for us. No one should choose a life partner at will. Choosing at will has led many into problems. Many homes suffer and many break up; only a few enjoy the blessedness of marriage. The reason lies in the way the choice was make at the beginning. Your marriage starts for good or bad the first day you make a choice of a partner. This s the heart-beatof this writing so that Christian homes could be built.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rev. David Kolawole Aremu, is an Animal Scientist called by God from his livestock business to go “feed my lambs”. He is the Founder / Editor of the Christian Publishing International and at the same time the UMCA Jebba District Superintendent. He holds the post of Kara State Coordinator for the United Christian Ministerial Association (UCMA), a Cleveland, TN, USA based Ministerial Association. He is a Conference and Revival Preacher; a Marriage Counselor, an Intercessor and a Writer. He is married to Ruth, a Nurse and he are blessed with Victor, Hosanna and Halleluyah.